The Ghost of Christmas Past
by evvabum
Summary: I was so close, and you had no idea. I was too late; I lost you, and I’m losing more of you everyday. Each night I fall asleep, you drift apart from me a little further. Harry/OFC oneshot.


Alright, here it is (: enjoy! First thing written in a year or two.  
Written for _Endings Have a Beginning_, a standalone competition on the McFly official boards.

Btw…a cookie goes out to whoever can find the McFly song reference…

Here's a hint—it's from _Nothing_.

r&r!

**The Ghost of Christmas Past**

Christmas 2007

The crisp December air nipped at Harry's already red ears, causing him to pull down his hat further. Locking his car with a click of the automatic keys, he shifted his eyes up towards the welcoming home. Even from the curb he could hear the roaring laughter that filled the house, matching the joy that the various Christmas lights and decorations brought to the atmosphere.

Harry took a deep breath and leaned against the hood of his car, contemplating whether or not he should go in. The night would lead to the inescapable outcome of Harry sitting along to wallow in his thoughts, while all of his friends got piss drunk. At the same time, not deciding to show would cause another bout of worried questioning that he didn't have the patience to deal with. Letting out a puff of air that formed into a visible cloud, he walked towards the house. 

Surrounded by the warmth of his home, Dougie looked through the window from inside, momentarily pausing his conversation with Tom. "Hey, Haz is here," he announced over the stereo, nodding his head towards the window.

The various guests of the party followed Dougie as he made his way to open the door. Revealing the familiar tall figure behind it, the shorter man smiled. "Hey, man!" he made a move to hug Harry, "How were the parents?"

Harry hugged him back, happy to see his best friend again. Managing a soft smile, he replied quietly, "Hey, Doug. They're fine. It's good to see you again."

After being welcomed back by the rest of the party, Harry made his way over to the couch in the corner of the room. He watched as everyone paired off, each of his mates finding a girl to put his arm around.

Glancing at the mistletoe that hung in various areas of the house, Harry felt his mind being pulled into the past.

_Christmas 2004_

"_Dude, I take back what I said before," Dougie admitted, taking a look around the party, "Next time the record company throws a party, I'm _there_."_

_Harry absentmindedly agreed with a nod of his head as Dougie made his way to a crowd of girls. Scanning the room himself, Harry's eyes fell upon a girl with dirty blonde hair who was talking animatedly to a member of the sound crew._

_Keeping an eye on her, he followed her to the bar as she sought to fill her empty glass. Harry quickly slid in, smoothly telling the bartender, "Two martinis, please."_

"_Wow," the girl said, obviously amused, "Buying me a drink and you don't even know my name. You do realize, though, that it's an open bar prepaid by the record company, don't you?"_

_Harry laughed with her. "Well, it's the thought that counts during Christmas, isn't it?" Harry countered, smiling, "And really, it's the least I could do."_

"_Oh? May I ask what I did to receive this kindness in return?" she questioned, a twinkle gleaming in her eye._

"_Well, I came here expecting a boring time," he confessed, "But meeting you here made my night." Harry grinned slyly, and she returned the flirtatious move as they both realized the small green sprig that hovered above them._

_Leaning in slowly, Harry's lips tentatively met hers. Her lips were warm compared to his cold ones, and he could taste the lingering alcohol and smoke on them._

_Regretfully breaking the contact, her face hovered an inch away from his. "Hey," she breathed, "I'm Izzy."_

"_Harry," he whispered._

_They closed the gap between them again._

The room erupted in cheers, yanking Harry back into the present. Flicking his eyes toward a crowd, he couldn't help but roll his eyes as he saw a slutty girl downing shots by the truckload.

"Not much for drinking, are you, man?" laughed a random, scruffy looking guy that sat himself down beside Harry.

"Nah. Guess not." he replied quietly, not paying much attention.

_Christmas 2005_

_The flat was filled with sweet smelling smoke as Izzy lit up the joint. The dark bags under her eyes were another growing sign of her addiction, but she refused to admit she had a problem._

_Just then, Harry came stumbling through the door, laughing slightly as he let an empty liquor bottle hit the floor. "Heyyy, babyyy," he slurred, walking in a rather uncoordinated matter over to the couch._

"_Jesus Christ," Izzy muttered angrily under her breath as he sat in a mess beside her on the cushion._

"_Happyyy Christmaaas, baaabe!" he exclaimed, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek, his growing stubble brushing against her face._

"Again_, Haz?" Izzy snapped, "Look at you. You had to ruin Christmas, of all days, with your fucking alcohol, didn't you?"_

"_Jeez…what's your problem?" Harry answered in a stupor, "I just went out to have some fuuun on Christmas." His eyes grew darker as glanced at her state, "At least I don't freaking sit at home feeling sorry for myself and getting high."_

"_Don't you_ dare _start, Harry," Izzy glared, "I would think you'd be at least a_ little _understanding of how I'm feeling at this point. You have no idea what it fucking feels like to lose one of your best friends."_

"_Oh, get over it, Iz! It's been over six months since Anna died, and you're_ still _using it as a pathetic excuse for your depression and addiction. How about you take a look at yourself before you go and accuse other people of having problems, alright?" Harry spat out harshly, getting up from the couch._

"_What are you_ talking _about? You_ never _get over something like that! Jesus, someone would think that in this situation you'd try and help me, but all you've been doing is getting drunk every night! I can't live like this anymore! Our bills aren't getting paid, and you're being so fucking irresponsible!" Izzy fumed, unable to hold back tears._

"_Oh, and where do you think the little money we have is wasting away to? To your freaking supply of weed, Izzy!" Harry shouted._

"_Alright! Fine! It is, but this is the only way I know how to deal with things! It hurts, Harry, it hurts too fucking much for me to do anything else, especially when you're not there for me! I _need _you Harry, I need you so badly and you're never there! The only way you react to my depression is to go out and drink your problems away. You don't begin to understand_ anything _about me!" Izzy screamed back, disrupting the peace of the entire apartment building._

"_If I don't understand anything about you, then what the hell am I doing in this relationship?" Harry walked towards the end of the room, starting to grab things to stuff in a bag, "I'm done. I'm done with this; I can't take it anymore. I can't even remember falling in love with you; it's all just agony, every single fucking day."_

_Izzy's eyes widened at his harsh words. Tears glazed the surface of her pupils, but she refused to be weak. Taking a breath, she quietly gave in, "Fine. Leave, then. Have a nice life and get the hell out of my flat." She got up and ran into what the bedroom._

_Pausing to close his eyes, Harry did the only thing he knew to do._

_He picked up a jacket and his bag…and left._

"…Hah, so yeah…that forced me to end up at this shit of a party," the strange man gruffly mumbled his story, still sitting beside Harry on the couch. Taking another sip of his beer, he eyed the silent Haz curiously. "Man, you alright? Looks like you've got to loosen up a bit…"

Harry had only just snapped out of his reverie and was still overcome by the emotion of his past. "Yeah," he said quietly, running a hand through his hair, "I guess so."

"Dude, I've got just the thing to fix all your troubles," the dingy man revealed a yellow-toothed smile, "Got this stuff straight from some island yesterday; my friend's got connections. Best weed you'll ever take," he laughed, raising an eyebrow with his offer.

Harry took in a sharp breath, anger flooding through his veins. Getting up quickly without an answer, his eyes heatedly searched for the door, storming in its direction.

"Woah, Haz, what's up?" Dougie exclaimed, standing in Harry's way.

Alarming his friend, all Harry could do was brush past him forcefully, headed through doorway and onto a nearby footpath.

_Christmas 2006_

_It was the first Christmas Harry had spent alone in two years. While the rest of the band decided to go out to the bars, all he could do was wallow in his loneliness._

_Suddenly, he heard his phone ring. The screen showed the number of a girl he hadn't heard from in a year. He answered the call, a bit confused. "Uh…hello?" he questioned._

"_Harry, listen to me," the girl stated firmly, "It's about Izzy."_

_The blood drained from Harry's face. "Jesus, Melanie, you're scaring me. What is it?"_

"_She's…she's not well. She hasn't been herself, really, since last year, but lately it's become really bad. She's…all she does is cry, drink, and smoke weed, Haz. She's depressed and suicidal, and it's scaring me. She…she," Melanie paused and took a breath, "She says she just misses you."_

_Harry was unsure of how to take the news. "She _misses_ me? You can't be serious…she waits a year to try and get me back? You have to know why I left, Mel. You know how she was. She was destroying herself and taking me down with her."_

"_Harry…please," the worried friend pleaded, "All I'm asking for is for you to come down and see her. It's serious, it's really bad."_

_Harry rubbed his entire face, unable to believe what he was about to say. "Alright," he breathed, "I'll be there."_

_Slamming the door of his car, Harry jogged up to the apartment building. Even after a year of being away from it, he still could remember every detail of its brick walls._

"_Hey, Harry," Melanie greeted, giving him a hug, "Thanks for coming."_

"_Hey," he sighed, "Let's just…I need to get this over with."_

_They made their way to her flat, knocking loudly on the door. After no answer, Melanie pulled out a key and forced open the door, rushing into the bedroom._

"_Oh…god." Melanie mumbled, eyes wide and mouth gaping. She grasped onto Harry's arm, beginning to sob violently._

_Izzy laid crumpled on the floor, smelling heavily of smoke and clutching an empty prescription bottle._

"_Too late," Harry whispered, unable to process what had just happened, "I was too late."_

A crescent moon reflected dully off the nearby pond, lighting up the various gravestones planted in the grass. But Harry's eyes were focused one just one.

His heart ached heavily as his eyes scanned over the name of the girl he loved.

"**If only you could see me like this**, Iz," Harry sighed, lids closing slowly, "If you could see how we could've been. We might've been happy, now, Izzy. _You_ might've been happy."

His voice was caught in his throat, tears glazing over his eyes.

"I did it all for you. Everything, from the day I met you. I went to that fucking rehab center for you. And all you could do was leave me."

He pounded his fist violently on her headstone, bruising his knuckles harshly.

"I was so close, and you had no idea. I was too late; I lost you," he stared directly at her name, "And I'm losing more of you everyday. Each night I fall asleep, you drift apart from me a little further.

"And I can't stand to think about it anymore. I can't stand to live like this, to have everything I see remind me of you when I lost you…" he choked, unable to find his voice again.

Harry heard soft footsteps coming from around the corner, quickly jerking his head up in their direction.

"Hey, man," Dougie said quietly, hands in pockets and eyes weary. "I'm…jeez. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you come to another fucking Christmas party when they've all been so bad for you…"

"It's fine, Doug," Harry mumbled.

"You know she'd be proud of what you've done, right?" Dougie assured confidently, "I bet she'd realize she'd made a mistake. She would have been so happy with you, Haz."

Harry's eyes were glossy in the moonlight, his body and mind tired from his depression. "Yeah, I guess so."

The two sat in silence for five minutes, both hearts searching for an escape from the sadness. All Harry could do was rest his head against her grave, tears leaking out of his eyes. Dougie repeatedly sighed, leaning back against an ancient headstone next to Izzy's, observing Harry closely.

Dougie laughed lightly, using his cheekiness to his advantage. "C'mon, man," Dougie encouraged, offering a hand to help Harry up, "They're starting some fucked up version of spin the bottle and truth or dare. And you know can't miss them making me do something completely idiotic."

Harry laughed quietly, an inkling of happiness finding its way to his eyes for the first time in a year. He let out his first genuine laugh in longer than he could remember, speaking softly, "Hah, alright. Let's go then."

They walked alongside back to the house, the shorter boy fiddling aimlessly with something he had found with the ground. Slowing his pace, Harry tentatively looked over his shoulder, back at the grave.

And he let go.


End file.
